You Wouldn't Care

This was a really interesting read. It was a simple monologue but it was also really effective at conveying what the speaker wants and what exactly is standing in his way. I really like the focus in the imagery you used - it gave the poem a much more human connection and contrasted the speaker's bitterness with the idyllic life they're imagining for themselves. I also particularly liked your use of punctuation. It was very cleverly placed to give that sense of a dramatic monologue and set up a consistent pace.

The main thing I would suggest to improve on is the ending. I feel like it needs more development and it doesn't quite end on the right note. It sounds like the speaker wants the target of this rant to leave and have the exact same life they are dreaming of, which is an odd sentiment that doesn't make sense. Also, it isn't clear why the narrator won't just leave since the only reason they seem to be staying is that they want the other person to leave first. This motivation isn't very strong and doesn't give the audience a lot of sympathy, so do consider altering the motivation of your character and making the ending more impactful.

Overall, this was a really great poem with a nice tone and some simple yet effective imagery - just work on the ending to give it that extra punch. Keep up the good work!